JR’s Tossers & Arseblowers
TOP 1O
(in chronological order)

WHAT?Baby Jumping at La Fiesta del Colacho
WHEN?22–25 May (Corpus Christi weekend)
WHERE?Castrillo de Murcia, Spain Strictly one for spectators (unless you’re only 12 months old, or younger).

WHAT?Cheese Rolling / Shin Kicking
WHEN?26 May / 30 May
WHERE?Cooper’s Hill / Chipping Campden, both in Gloucestershire, England If you survive the famous breakneck cheese chase, give your legs more pain at Chipping Campden’s “shindig” just a few days later!

WHAT?Phallus Festival at the Festa de Sao Goncalo
WHEN?6–8 June
WHERE?Amarante, Portugal Rekindle the romance in beautiful northern Portugal, where the locals fete their patron saint with parades, parties and penis cakes.

WHAT?Rigor Mortis Procession at Fiesta de Santa Marta de Ribarteme
WHEN?29 July
WHERE?San Xose de Ribarteme, Spain Thank God for being alive by being carried around in a casket (left). Held in honour of the saintly sister of Lazarus.

WHAT?Burry Man Day
WHEN?8 August
WHERE?South Queensferry, Scotland Covered head to ankle in prickly cockleburs (see pic top right), Scotland’s real-live Green Man stalks the banks of the Firth of Forth soaking up evil spirits and whisky with no convenient way of relieving himself.

WHAT?Matchmaking Festival
WHEN?29 August – 5 October
WHERE?Lisdoonvarna, Ireland. Tired of being single? Ireland’s last oldfashioned matchmaker will hook you up with a country bachelor or bachelorette.

WHAT?Sinterklaas and “Black Pete”
WHEN?mid-November–5 December
WHERE?Amsterdam / rest of the Netherlands Every Dutch schoolkid knows the real St Nicholas arrives in the Netherlands in November via steamboat from Spain, accompanied by hordes of un-PC servants known as Black Petes.

WHAT?The Haxey Hood
WHEN?5 January
WHERE?Haxey, Lincolnshire, England Take hundreds of men, get them liquored up, stick them on a claggy field and throw a projectile into the melee. The goal of this ancient game of mob football is simple – to get back to the pub for more drinking.

WHAT?Wenches’ Feast Day
WHEN?Week before Lent
WHERE?Elzach, Germany Men in spooky masks roam the streets, growling at women and whacking them with pigs’ bladders. The women then prowl the bars in fancy dress, forcing the men to eat hot chillis and gherkin crépes.

WHAT?La Mascarade des Soufflaculs
WHEN?Usually the first Sunday in April
WHERE?Nontron, France Bring your own nightshirt to see a (back)side of “Dordogneshire” that most outsiders miss.

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